Still the One Read online

  Abruptly, he pulled away from her, shaking his head to rid himself of the traitorous thoughts. Tess was his partner! His friend! She'd been one of the people who'd held him up through his massive grief after Lena's death. What was wrong with him today? Perhaps because it was his brother's wedding day he was feeling a little more lonely than usual. Life was meant to be walked through with another person, another soul entwined with your own.

  Walking through life without a soul mate was painful. And it caused a vast loneliness to rattle around inside him. When did the emptiness get replaced by something else?

  “Let me get you something cold to drink,” he said, feebly trying to diffuse the uncomfortable moment. The truth was, he hadn't been this close to a woman who made him feel this way in a long time. Tess was a gorgeous woman to boot. He would have to be blind not to notice her stunning looks and figure. Up until recently he hadn't given it much thought. They'd always been the best of friends, although lately his mind had begun to wander a bit as far as Tess was concerned. He'd started to have a few daydreams about her.

  And, he could try to deny it all he wanted to, but the feelings Tess evoked had nothing to do with friendship.

  *

  Ryder unexpectedly pulling away from her was a curious thing. He'd had this uncomfortable look on his face, one she'd never seen before. Had she done or said something wrong? They were best buddies, partners at work, and friends till the end. They'd laughed together, saved lives, mourned and prayed together. He was the single most important person in her world. And after seeing the expression etched on his face, she fervently hoped he hadn't discovered her secret. She prayed he hadn't figured it out.

  It had been six years three months and two days since Tess Dailey had fallen in love with Ryder Donahue. She remembered the day in vivid detail, all the way down to the very first words he'd ever said to her on her first day at work as an EMT at Breeze Point Medical Transport.

  “I hope you know your stuff, Freckles. 'Cause when we're saving lives, there's not much time to give lessons.” At first those words had rankled, but once she'd gotten to know Ryder she'd realized he walked the walk. He was the most selfless, heroic person she'd ever known. Every move he made reeked of professionalism and decency. His standards were top notch. She was proud and honored to work side by side with him. And a little ashamed she couldn't stop herself from loving him, although it would have been as pointless as telling the Earth not to turn on its axis.

  Bringing him coffee this morning had served two purposes. She'd wanted to check on him, knowing that Blue and Sarah's wedding was likely to bring forth a host of memories of his own wedding day to Lena. Beautiful, brave Lena. She'd been a wonderful, vibrant woman who had been the perfect partner for Ryder. It almost made her feel ashamed to think of her, since she'd secretly been in love with her husband. She prayed that Lena had never figured it out, since she'd always done her best to mask her feelings. Never in a million years would she ever have acted on it or disrespected Ryder's marriage. Not that Ryder would ever have looked at another woman as long as Lena Truitt Donahue walked the earth. He'd been the most devoted, loving husband she'd ever known. And Lena had given him back the same devotion.

  The second reason for bringing him coffee boiled down to pure selfishness. Late last night she'd chopped a few inches off her hair and she was dying to see if he noticed. Curiosity about whether or not Ryder noticed her appearance was gnawing at her. Did he still continue to view her as a little sister, the work friend who was firmly planted in the friend zone? Also, she'd wanted to see Ryder. Not seeing him every day was supreme torture. With his lean athlete's frame, sky blue eyes and dark hair, he was the type of handsome you didn't run into every day. His face was pretty spectacular to look at. His ice blue eyes gave new meaning to the saying that eyes are the mirrors to the soul. If that was true, Ryder's soul was headed straight to glory.

  After handing her an ice cold glass of lemonade, Ryder looked at her with a quizzical expression. “Hey, I like your hair. You cut it, right?”

  She smiled at him, trying not to break her face from the pure strength of her grin. Her heart was beating a mile a minute at the acknowledgment from Ryder. He'd noticed her hair!

  “Yeah, I cut off a few inches. Summer's coming soon and I hate having to deal with all this hair every morning.”

  “I like it,” Ryder said with an emphatic nod of his head. “It suits your heart-shaped face.”

  Hmm. He'd also noticed the shape of her face. Stop it! A little voice warned. He doesn't see you in that way. And it's highly doubtful he ever will. And why would you even want him to? Being involved with a man who puts his deceased wife on a pedestal is a dangerous thing. Especially when you know you'd never measure up. Not in a million years.

  After Lena died Ryder had pretty much giving up on living himself. His actions spoke to the epic nature of his love for his deceased wife. There was no way in the world Tess, even in her wildest fantasies, could ever compete with a love like that. She wouldn't even want to try since it was a sure way to get your heart smashed into little pieces. Her self-esteem couldn't handle it if Ryder rejected her. As it was, it was getting harder and harder each day to work alongside Ryder without telling him how much she loved him. There was an ache in her soul crying out for her love to be acknowledged. At the same time she cringed at the thought of ruining their existing friendship with a declaration of love. He didn't deserve to have that information dumped on him just so she could feel unburdened.

  She jumped up from her seat. It was unthinkable! And she needed to be on her way before she said or did something she might regret. “I’d better take off. You need to get ready for the wedding.”

  Ryder raised his eyes to glance at the clock hanging on the wall. “We're all supposed to meet up at St. Mary's Church in about an hour.” Ryder made a face. “I'm happy for my brother, but it's going to be a tough one.”

  She reached out and touched his arm. “Are you okay?” Here she was thinking about her own vulnerabilities while Ryder was dealing with an immediate situation that might catapult him back into a state of grief.

  “I'm good. Days like today bring back a host of memories, but I can handle it.”

  She winked at him, falling into their familiar rhythm. “Of course you can. You're Donahue strong, right?”

  Donahue strong. It was an expression used by the Donahue family to describe a combination of toughness and fortitude exhibited by the members of the clan. They all had it, each and every one of them. Sometimes she wanted to apply for membership so she could be an honorary member of the family. That's how spectacular they all were. Alec and Maggie Donahue had created an extraordinary family. Perhaps if she'd come from a warm, loving family she wouldn't feel such an overpowering need to belong to someone else's tribe. Maybe if her own parents had given her an ounce of what the Donahues had provided him and his brothers, she wouldn't feel so alone.

  Ryder reached out and tugged at her sleeve. “Just make sure you're there, okay. I need someone to dance with at the reception so I don't look like a wallflower.” The thought of dancing cheek to cheek with Ryder made her pulse dance with a wild rhythm. Wallflower? She wanted to snort out loud at the idea of it. Clearly, Ryder didn't realize the devastating impact he had on women. More times than she could count his mere presence had driven women into overdrive. From flirtatious banter to suggestive comments to phone numbers written down on little slips of paper...she'd seen it all. Each and every time Ryder remained unimpressed by all the adulation. For him, it was as if all thoughts of love and companionship had died right along with Lena.

  “I wouldn't miss the chance to cut a rug with you,” she said with a tight smile. Although she loved attending Donahue family events, this one would be trickier than most. Without a doubt, Blue and Sarah were an inspiration to all their friends and family. Blue's arrival two hours late for his own wedding had effectively canceled the wedding. Although his reasons for his tardiness had been deep and profound, he hadn't been
able to come clean with Sarah about the situation until recently. The fact that they had reunited and reached a state of grace regarding the past proved to her that their union was meant to be.

  Weddings were hard for her, plain and simple. Although no one would ever guess it, she wanted to be a bride and a wife more than anything else in the world. And the man she wanted to love and cherish for the rest of her days viewed her as a friend and co-worker. Nothing more. And her heart ached at the thought of someday sitting in a church and watching Ryder marry someone else. It was bound to happen. A man like Ryder Donahue wouldn't stay single forever. No, she realized with a sinking heart. He was meant to love and be loved.

  “Gotta go make myself beautiful,” she said, trying to make her voice sound light.

  Ryder's face held a strange expression as he gazed at her. He snapped his fingers. “Hey. I just remembered. There's someone I want to introduce you to at the wedding. He's been asking about you every time I run into him.”

  She felt her jaw drop. Ryder was trying to set her up with someone? On a date? Talk about grinding all her hopes into dust.

  It was absolutely crushing. And it meant he didn't think of her in any way, shape or form as dating material. She felt the sharp sting of tears gathering in her eyes. Stiff upper lip. Never let 'em see you cry. She'd learned that a long time ago, way back in her childhood. To mask her emotions she let out a cough, raising her hand to cover her mouth. “Allergies. Must be the pollen,” she explained. “So, who is this guy?” Even though she didn't have the slightest interest in dating anyone other than Ryder, she had no other choice but to play along. It would be downright humiliating if he figured out she was pining away for him. She'd never be able to face him again, not to mention work side by side with him.

  “His name is Brian Tolleson. He's a volunteer firefighter and a teacher. Just moved here from Akron a few months ago.” Ryder grinned at her, appearing pleased at his matchmaking efforts. Just the sight of him standing there like that made her want to punch him in the stomach. How could he be so clueless?

  “Hey, it's worth a shot, right? Who knows?” she said flippantly, her lips straining to lift upwards into the semblance of a smile. “Maybe you'll be going to my wedding next.”

  Ryder's eyes widened slightly, and for an instant she wondered if the thought of it bothered him. Of course it did! But not for the reasons she secretly wished for it to be. Not because he had romantic feelings for her. All weddings were delicate matters for Ryder, serving as reminders of everything he'd lost. It was that simple. And that heartbreaking.

  “See you later, Ryder,” she whispered, nearly choking on her words as all her suppressed emotions came rising to the surface. There was no way she would ever put all that on Ryder's shoulders. He didn't deserve to be weighed down by the knowledge that she'd fallen hopelessly in love with him. The past few years had been rough on him, and she knew there had been some dark nights of the soul as he mourned the passing of Lena. She wasn't going to pile any more baggage on his already heavy load.

  “Don't forget to save me a dance,” he shouted after her. His words seared her ears and brought to mind images of the two of them slow dancing to a love song. How in the world was she going to act normal with Ryder holding her in his arms and gliding her across the dance floor? Every day it was becoming harder and harder to conceal the depth of emotion she felt towards Ryder. At work. During their down time. Whenever they were in each other's company. And even though the thought of being held against Ryder's strong chest made her heart race with longing, she hated the fact that she couldn't reveal to him everything she'd been holding in for the last six years.

  Because, the truth was, holding it inside was slowly breaking her heart.

  *

  Maybe you'll be going to my wedding next. Tess' words kept bouncing around in his head like a rubber ball. He didn't know why he'd mentioned Brian Tolleson in the first place. Even though Brian had been asking him for an introduction to Tess, he could steer him in another direction. He had to admit, the temptation was strong to do so. Sure, he seemed like a nice enough guy, but Tess deserved the very best. After all, what did he really know about Brian? The mere thought of someone hurting her, of taking advantage of her sweet, playful nature made him crazy. He didn't know what he'd do if that ever happened. A surge of pity flowed through him for the man who might be foolish enough to play games with his best friend. The results wouldn't be pretty, of that he was certain.

  And Brian seemed so goo-goo-eyed over Tess. Who could blame him though? She was lovely to look at, one of the most stunning women he'd ever seen in his life. And her figure was appealing too. She kept in shape, even though she had a voracious appetite. It always amazed him how Tess could match his food intake measure for measure yet still have the figure of a model. A good metabolism, she'd always claimed. Tess was funny and smart and loyal. And she was his best friend aside from his brothers. And if it wasn't for their deep friendship, maybe there could be something between them. But he wasn't about to risk losing her by pushing for anything more.

  Of course he'd thought about it, but each and every time he'd firmly pushed the notion out of his head. So why was he thinking more often about her in a romantic way? Not like a friend. But as a woman who intrigued and fascinated him. Someone he wanted to kiss and hold in his arms? He shook his head to rid himself of any further thoughts about Tess. He wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth was, he might never be. Losing Lena had felt like losing a limb. And there was no guarantee that he wouldn't lose someone else. It would be hard to allow himself to fall in love again, all the while knowing that there were no guarantees. It could all be gone in an instant. One day life was smooth sailing, yet the very next day a tsunami might be bearing down on you. No, he'd had enough heartache to last a lifetime. And even though he longed for kids and a family of his own, he was still too gun shy to put his heart on the line again. Ever since he was a kid he'd been learning the same lesson. Loving led to unspeakable loss.

  He cared about Tess. Deeply. Brian Tolleson would be a great partner for her. He was easygoing and friendly. And he didn't carry around the type of baggage he did. No doubt he still believed in happily-ever-afters, unlike himself. Hmmph! Fine thoughts on the day of your brother's wedding! A little voice chided him. Maybe one day he wouldn't feel like this. Perhaps one day a woman would come along who would help him overcome his fears. He had the rest of his life to live out, and if he was being honest with himself, he didn't want to live it out all by his lonesome. Tess' image flashed before his eyes. Her beautiful heart shaped face and glittering emerald eyes. The tinkling sound of her laughter echoed softly in his ears. The soft feel of her body as he cradled her in his arms. Her unabashed joy as she embraced life. He shut his eyes tight, willing himself to stop thinking about his best friend. The lines of their friendship ran too deep to ruin it by taking a chance on something romantic between them. He'd lost enough in this lifetime. Losing Tess wasn't an option.

  “Grow old with me and be my forever. More than anything else, love is an act of faith. Let's vow to never give up on that.” Blue Donahue

  Chapter Two

  The reception was in high gear before Ryder got a chance to sit down with his brothers and celebrate the union of Sarah and Blue. They'd all gone solo to the wedding, with the exception of Brandon, who'd brought Thalia, his supermodel girlfriend, along with him as his plus one. His brothers were having a field day teasing Brandon about his high-maintenance date. At the moment, she was ordering him around as if he was her personal assistant. With a grimace, Brandon handed Thalia a glass of sparkling water and a pain reliever for her headache. At what point, Ryder wondered, was Brandon going to get sick of Thalia's diva routine?

  As far as weddings went, this one had been spectacular. The fact that mere weeks ago their father's life had hung in the balance forced the entire family to offer up thanks for the blessing of health and life. Although Dad was still recuperating and had only been well enough to attend the service
and some of the reception, his presence had been the biggest blessing of all. As patriarch, all roads led back to Alec Donahue. Nothing made sense in their worlds without Dad at the helm of the family.

  Having lost Sarah once before, Blue hadn't wanted to wait this time around to put a ring on his woman's finger. They'd only been reunited for a few short weeks, but they'd been in love for years. Time and separation had done nothing to dull the all abiding love they felt for each other. Seeing the joy radiating from both of their faces had Ryder reconsidering his stance on love everlasting. His brother and his new sister-in-law were the perfect embodiment of the dream.

  Ryder got up from the table and clapped Blue heartily on the back. “Congratulations. You guys finally did it.”

  “I'm the luckiest guy in the world right about now,” Blue said, his gaze straying towards the other side of the room where a radiant Sarah stood surrounded by well-wishers.

  “You're right about that. Not many people get a second chance to get things right.” His voice came out sounding wistful and he hated the look of concern that sparked in his brother's eyes.

  “How are you holding up?” Blue asked, his hazel eyes studying him. “I know this can't be easy for you.”

  Ryder shrugged, not wanting pity on a day designed for happiness. “I'm good. And more importantly, I'm genuinely happy for the two of you. I can't think of two people who deserve joy more than you and Sarah.”

  Blue's gaze narrowed and his eyes focused on him like lasers. “You deserve it too, Ryder. Don't forget that.”

  Happiness. It wasn't as if he wasn't happy most of the time. He was incredibly thankful for all his blessings, most importantly, his family, his friends and his career as a paramedic. If it hadn't been for all three of those things, he wouldn't have forged his way through the darkest hours of his life. He wouldn't have survived such devastating loss.